Do you ever feel like you have to prove yourself to someone or something?

I’m not talking about merely proving your capability at a job or task but about a deep need to prove your very worthiness as a human being?

Maybe to a parent, sibling, romantic partner, friend, teacher, company, boss, colleague, your social media network, and/or the world at large?

I was operating from that place for many years, yet consequently, no matter how much praise and external validation I received from the world (and I received a lot), it was never enough. Never enough to change my fundamental distorted belief that at my core, I was not enough. It was not until, due to the expressed surfacing of childhood trauma, all of the external elements of my life that I believed would someday make me feel worthy, disintegrated, that I finally ceased looking for my worth where it never was and never will be located: ANYWHERE OUT THERE. I then began to look inside of myself, for a source that is there before, during, and after any action I may take and any outcome it may produce.

That search led me to the question: What if there is nobody and no being, EVER, that we have to prove anything to?

If that’s the case, the next big question is, what then is my motivation and intention for any action that I may take in life?

If there is nothing we have to prove, it seems to me that what's left is:

What and who do I love?

What and who truly means something to me?

How do I choose to spend my time/my life?

I think most of us are taught that in order to do good, we need some sort of external source of pressure, stress, or fear. Maybe this comes from a fundamental belief that humans are inherently “bad" or “sinful,” therefore unless we are fearful of condemnation and punishment, we will most likely do the “wrong” or “bad" thing. Personally, I do not subscribe to this narrative. I don’t think we've come here to earth to try and get approval from some anthropomorphic deity as if human life is some sort of testing ground for something greater. I think we’re eternally pre-approved and that’s why we’re here.

I do believe that if a human being is unloved, abused, neglected, victimized, or treated unfairly, it will have natural consequences that, if untreated, unprocessed and unhealed, may cause someone to act out from a place of lack, pain, confusion, anger, trauma and distortion. Yet if one either did not receive any of the above unjust treatment or has processed and healed from it accordingly, when one truly loves someone or something, one naturally evolves to do “good,” to do their best, simply because it’s what feels good and right.

If one is taught and shown from a young age that they are not enough, one will act from a poverty stricken state of mind. Yet if one is taught and shown, especially from a young age, that at their baseline, they are enough, they are worthy, one will naturally bring their sense of being enough, of being worthy, to their actions.

So what if, instead of taking action in order to feel worthy, we could fundamentally know that we are worthy and enough, and then from that place, take action?

I believe we would inhabit a world that looks and feels quite different from the one we currently do. For one thing, our actions would be based more upon what we can give, rather than what we can get.

You have breath, you are alive, therefore…you are worthy and you are enough.

In gratitude and love…

Aloha, Wade.

2/11/20