Over the last several months, the Universe has made it clear to me that FORGIVENESS is the next big chapter in my healing journey. I received the questions, “Who have you not forgiven? How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?” This was clear for me so I began to try and move toward that forgiveness for two key people in my life. But I kept hitting a wall. I felt that my heart was absolutely ready to forgive but I couldnʻt quite make the leap for some reason; some intellectual, ego, fear blockage, I thought.
With the help of my therapist I received the revelation, ITʻS ME, Iʻm the wall, Iʻm the one I havenʻt forgiven. I canʻt forgive anyone else until I forgive myself. I canʻt give anyone anything that I do not have. Can I forgive myself for not being able to tell the truth about Michael Jacksonʻs abuse earlier than I did? If I could have, maybe I could have prevented Michael from abusing other kids. Can I forgive myself for choosing Michael over my Father? Can I forgive myself for, in certain moments, not living up to my own standards as a Husband and a Father?
I keep coming back to, if my son made the mistakes that I have made, how would I feel towards him, what would I say? I know that I would be infinitely more forgiving, understanding, compassionate and loving towards him than I am towards myself. Is that fair? What would it be like if I treated myself like my son, like someone I love, like someone I know has a beautiful heart and is human, makes mistakes, tries to learn from them, tries to do better the next time, never wants to hurt anyone, but sometimes does, unintentionally? As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “If I would have known better, I would have done better.” This grand adventure lies ahead.
Reader...
What have you not forgiven yourself for?
How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?
Who have you not forgiven?
How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?
What would life be like if you treated yourself like someone you loved?
Love, Wade.
4/6/18
Wade Robson, based on his personal experience of external wins and internal losses, explores our personal definitions of WINNING and their implications.