A blog about my life experiences and what they have taught me
WHY ME?
“How could this happen to me?”
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Well, with my luck….(insert bad outcome)."
“Why is the Universe/God/World against me?”
Do these types of thoughts sound familiar, either coming from yourself or someone you know?
If I find myself in a low emotional state, if I’m stressed, sad, angry, or hurt, if I am honest with myself, I realize that the common denominator, the main cause for my state, is that I have allowed myself to slip into victim consciousness. I have let myself fall into some level of belief that someone or something “out there” is 100 percent responsible for my life, my success or failure, my peace, my happiness. This is incredibly disempowering and ultimately an illusion.
Let’s be clear, I am not talking about situations in which some of us are truly victimized physically, sexually, emotionally, socially or economically, as adults and especially as children. I am talking about those of us who either have some distance in time from those situations or are outside of those situations completely, mentally and emotionally capable adults, who are allowing ourselves to exist partially or completely in a victim state of consciousness.
Yes, people do or say things towards us that are mean, violent, irritating, inconvenient, you name it. Situations occur that are incredibly challenging, but as hard as this may be to swallow sometimes, we ALWAYS have the ultimate choice as to how we let them or the situation make us feel and how we choose to respond. Often, it does not feel as though we have a choice in our response at all, but we ALWAYS do.
The supreme opportunity is to choose our perspective. Can I look back at every single challenging situation that has ever happened to me in my life and discover that through the pain, fear, grief or anger, I received a powerful evolutionary lesson from it, that I met someone because of it who is now extremely important in my life, that I became closer with someone than ever before because of it? I believe this is always the potential final analysis, if we choose for it to be.
It is amazing the grace, power and flow that I experience when I am living the belief that LIFE DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME, IT HAPPENS FOR ME. That the universe will give me exactly the experience I need at exactly the right moment for the evolution of my consciousness. As Eckhart Tolle said, “How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
Then I find it is about patience. We understandably want to know the WHY right away but often it doesn’t work that way. There may be a lot of growth that needs to happen first in order for our state of consciousness to have the capacity to know, understand and apply the WHY. The truth is, we will know, when it is relevant for us to know.
So can we say, "Why me?", not with angst but with great curiosity and enthusiasm? And can we remain available for an answer that may not look, sound or feel anything like we imagined?
Love, Wade.
6.30.18
STUFF
What is our relationship to stuff?
I’m not talking about our understandable desire for basic stuff like shelter, food, water, clothing, transportation, etc. I’m talking about all the stuff that comes after our basic needs are met. All the stuff that we often allow ourselves to define as needs but actually do not meet that criteria.
The following are several questions I ask myself that you may find interesting to answer.
Do I feel better about myself when I have more or fancier stuff than someone else?
Do I feel less than when I don’t have as much or not as impressive of stuff as someone else?
Does my stuff or lack of stuff drive who I think I am?
How much time and energy do I spend researching, working for, acquiring, posting about, organizing, cleaning, and getting rid of, stuff?
What percentage of my stuff has ever given me a true and lasting sense of fulfillment, contentment, meaning, purpose, love or peace?
Based on our answers to the above questions, we may wish to reconsider our relationship with stuff.
If we were able to spend less time, money and energy on stuff, what would we choose to do with that newly available time, money and energy that we feel would possibly result in more peace, joy and fulfillment in our lives?
The following links are a couple of resources I have found inspiring and that have sparked these questions in my life.
Graham Hill: Less stuff more happiness
Minimalism: A Documentary Film
LOVE, Wade.
6.22.18
VALIDATION
Will he or she love me? Will they love my work? Will he or she understand me? Am I good enough? Will they appreciate me?
How much energy do we expend searching for validation from other people and the outside world?
And even when we receive positive validation from the people we were searching for it from or organizations at large, how deeply does it actually impact how we truly feel about ourselves? In my experience, if we do not believe at our core that we are worthy, lovable, and/or good enough: no matter how much validation we receive from the outside world, it does not penetrate our core beliefs about ourselves. Yet still, we keep trying to change it from the outside in.
For most of us, this pattern seems to start from quite early on as we look for the approval of our parents, maybe our siblings, then teachers, friends, peer groups, lovers, bosses, social media followers and on and on. We alter our thoughts, personality, behavior, creativity, work, interests, and relationships, all in the hope of being accepted and validated as worthy by them out there; often based upon the assumption that there is no way they will ever accept and love us for exactly how we are naturally, so we must conform to the version of ourselves we think they want us to be. All of this is confusing and exhausting at best, deeply painful at worst, and always fleeting and free of any true and lasting satisfaction.
So what might be an alternative way?
First, I believe we must find a way to begin physiologically removing the years of social conditioning and stress that has lead to these beliefs and behaviors. In my personal experience, meditation and psychotherapy (namely Vedic Meditation, E.M.D.R. and Somatic Experiencing) have been hugely effective in this process; coupled with correction of the intellect via reading, writing and social research, as well as experimentation with ceasing to follow the directives of my ego and instead following my hearts desire and intuition as to what I want, say, choose and do. This for me has not been a light switch kind of change in thinking or behavior, it has taken and continues to take constant diligence and practice as these beliefs and behaviors, as they were for me, are often deeply ingrained in our biological hardware.
When I am able to tune into and act purely upon my hearts desire rather than my ego’s insecure search for external validation, life seems to unfold in a frictionless and evolutionary manner, meaningful personal relationships flourish, non-evolutionary relationships reveal themselves and effortlessly fade away, creativity flows and a sense of inherent worthiness becomes the launching point rather than the fruitless goal of activity.
So if you are charmed, maybe ask yourself, what would I think, desire, choose, say, and do if I felt inherently and unwaveringly worthy and loved already and had no concern for or need of permission or validation from anyone or anything outside of mySELF? What would that look and feel like? And what am I willing to do towards making that my reality?
Aloha, Wade.
6/9/18
LOVED & LOATHED
If you choose to say or do something vulnerable and honest, propelled by something you believe in deeply and/or know to be true…
There will be people who love you for it and people who loath you for it.
If you choose to communicate a truth that will expose certain people’s wrong doing or that certain people may not want to believe or can’t accept about themselves…
There will be people who love you for it and people who loath you for it.
If your expression actually puts no one at risk and doesn’t challenge anyone’s integrity but is purely an honest and loving articulation of your own heart…
There will be people who love you for it and people who loath you for it.
So…
Shall we let other people's loving or loathing raise or silence our voice?
Shall we design or edit our honest and responsible expression based upon whether we believe people will love us or loath us for it?
Shall we measure the validity of our honest expression based upon whether people love us or loath us for it?
Or…
Shall we tune into our heart and express our truth unabashedly?
Shall we speak truth to power?
Shall we find our validation based solely upon how our expression feels in our own heart?
Shall we try to be mindful as to designing our expression in a way that could possibly move the needle towards the greater good of all?
Shall we continue expressing from a deep place of truth after people demonstrate how much they love or loath us for it?
Only you can answer.
Love, Wade.
5/25/18
UP + DOWN
One month, weʻre a new parent beaming with the profundity of life and reveling in our new found sacred responsibility. A few months later, weʻre in the crux of a nervous breakdown wondering where the purpose of everything went.
One day sheʻs under the trees bursting with gratitude and riding the endless wave of universal guidance. The next day her energetic frequency is low, sheʻs stressed, irritated, static and wondering why me?
On Monday, all the kids in your class wanted to play with you at lunch, now itʻs Tuesday and you seem to be the butt of a joke, everyone is laughing at you behind your back and you are all alone.
An hour ago I was stressed, angry and short on adaptability units, now here I sit in a coffee shop with tea, scone, a gentle breeze, blue skies and a limitless sense of possibility.
His brother just died unexpectedly. His new business, that is of great benefit to society, which he has put his heart and soul into, is thriving and providing for his family.
Last night I was an asshole, this morning I am a saint.
As Chögyam Trunpa Rinpoche said, “THERE IS NO CURE FOR UP AND DOWN.”
Can we embrace that the UP holds such greater meaning and reward because of the DOWN? Can we take solace in that the DOWN is tilling and watering the soil to provide a fertile foundation for the next glorious UP?
Can we move further away from black or white, this or that, and move more towards the self-evident reality of simultaneity: of this, that and the other? Our lives are rarely all up or all down but a mixture of up, down and the in-between.
I believe moving more towards this simultaneity understanding of our own lives, thoughts and emotions could possibly help us to be more understanding towards other people. I donʻt believe people are either good or bad. We are so much more nuanced than that. We all have the potential for all qualities inside of us and depending upon our life circumstances, certain qualities are triggered more than others. At times we have all been kind, mean, compassionate, judgmental, brave, scared, nondiscriminatory, prejudiced, loving and hateful. Through it all, were we not mostly trying with whatever was our best at that moment?
So, in the knowingness of our internal and external UP + DOWN, can we find more patience, listening, understanding and communion for ourselves, our neighbor, our stranger, and our so-called enemy?
Wishing you health, love + the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade.
5/18/18
MY BEST
Sometimes I’m compassionate. Sometimes I’m judgemental.
Sometimes I’m patient. Sometimes I’m not.
Sometimes I’m insightful. Sometimes I’m short-sighted.
Sometimes I’m vulnerable. Sometimes I’m guarded and playing a role.
Sometimes I’m playful. Sometimes I’m way too serious.
Sometimes I’m peaceful. Sometimes I’m stressed.
Most always I’m trying my best but my best looks different, everyday.
I’m imperfect and I’m enough.
You’re imperfect and you’re enough.
Love, Wade.
4/28/18
MUSIC, MOVEMENT + ME
Stream of consciousness, as I remember it…
Two years old, Michael Jacksonʻs “The Making of Thriller,” on VHS. Ran into the kitchen to hide when he became the werewolf, ran back when it was time to dance. Everyday. Obsessed.
On my stomach, on the carpet, Fruit Loops in a bowl, Salt-N-Pepaʻs “Push it” music video on MTV. Glorious.
Fisher-Price kids record player, “Thiller” album on repeat.
Hours alone in the living room, itʻs dark, the carpetʻs green, Iʻm facing the TV copying dance moves from music videos. Heaven.
Five years old, hours of dance rehearsal at the Johnny Young Talent School in Brisbane. I didnʻt love being choreographed. I had my own ideas.
Dressed head to toe in MJ gear, hot Brisbane days, front of our driveway dancing my heart out, drenched in sweat, just waiting for a car to drive by. Painfully quiet street.
Won a dance contest, prize was to meet Michael Jackson. Wildest dream come true. Met him, a couple nights later Iʻm on stage with him and Stevie Wonder in front of tens of thousands of people. Downstage center, throw my hat off, letʻs do this!
On top of the world because when Mom picked me up from school she handed me a new record she bought for me. Ravenous for music.
Birthdays backstage.
Seven years old, first time to Los Angeles. OMG, head over heels in love. Met MJ again, Neverland, Dance, Inspiration, Sexual Abuse. You know that story…If you donʻt and your curious, go back after and click here, here, and here.
Music and movement interests begin to expand beyond MJ: Bobby Brown, Tony Terry, M.C. Hammer, Bel Biv Divoe, Johnny Gil, Snap and G.U.Y.
Nine years old, Mom, Sis + I move to LA. Weekly training with street dance legends Pop-N-Taco, Popnʻ Pete, and Boogaloo Shrimp. Invigorated by the movement knowledge.
Dancing professionally in LA. Commercials, music videos, live shows. Iʻm the 10 year old kid at the 18 and over auditions.
Hip Hop music and movement blows up my world. Heavy D, LL Cool J, E.P.M.D., Naughty By Nature and A Tribe Called Quest.
10 years old, working on a solo rap record. Drenched in hip-hop culture.
11 years old, joined a rap dup called Quo. Weʻre signed to MJJ Records. Weʻre produced by the likes of Teddy Riley, Redman and Eric Sermon. Dream to write and produce music is officially sparked.
12 years old, MJ sends me some recording equipment. Piano lessons happen. All hours of the day and night, Iʻm in my little studio making music. Canʻt get enough. For the music gear heads, MPCII + 3000, Korg Trinity, Emulator III, Adats, etc.
I start teaching 6 dance classes a week. In class, time slips away, music and movement takes possession. I love teaching and seem to have a knack for it.
Music interests expand; Prince, Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder, Bjork, Tori Amos, James Brown, Ani Difranco, Beatles, John Williams, Danny Elfman, Bernard Herman, Alex North and on and on.
Creating edits, remixes and original music for my dance classes. Harder to decipher which one comes first, the music or the movement. They have become one.
14 years old, choreographing music videos, commercials and live shows, music editing, remixing and original compositions to accompany the movement.
16 years old, Britney Spears, *NSync, choreography, music, stage direction. Big break.
Writing and producing album music for Britney Spears, *NSync and others. Love being in the studio writing music and geeking out for hours on the arrangement and technical aspects of music production.
More and more pressure and expectation builds in my career. My love affair with dance: on the rocks. Fun is slipping away. Stakes are high.
19 years old, I quit Choreography and Stage Direction, “been there, done that,” to focus on Film Directing.
Writing and producing music continues. I get a big music publishing deal. Pressure feels stronger than ever to deliver. Fun is slipping away and taking productivity with it.
20 years old, MTVʻs “The Wade Robson Project.” Dance is back in my life. Some moments of fun but ultimately stained by the superficial desire for fame.
21 years old, I quit dance again to focus on Film Directing. Love/Hate relationship continues.
23 years old, join the second season of So You Think You Can Dance. Feeling experimental + playful. First piece out the gate wins an Emmy. Gift/Curse.
5 year resurgence of choreography career. Another Emmy. Music creation here and there. Music and movement interest expansion. Starts out fun. Pressure builds. Less and less play. Career peaks. Anxiety peeks.
About to Direct my first feature film. Son born. Two nervous breakdowns. Disclosure of MJ abuse. Bury dance, music and film. Disappear to most isolated land mass on the planet.
Music repertoire shrinks for a while to the only kind that makes me feel safe and good, Bob Marley and Jack Johnson. Dance is gone, forever I think.
Meditation. Therapy. Reading. Nature. Family. Hawai’i.
Music interests are the first thing to begin to unravel. I am reborn as a fan and student once more. Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, classical East Indian, Tom Waits, Ennio Morricone, Philip Glass and Miles Davis. I pick up the guitar, start writing songs again.
Film creation comes back in a whole new way.
2017…DANCE…oh dance, comes back. We fall in love like never before. We play. We share. We remember. The music and movement runs deeper in me than it ever has. My gratitude knows no bounds.
They never left. Theyʻve always been there for me. An infinite, condition-less gift. It was me that had to find my way home.
Sometimes you have to experience who you are not, in order to know who you are.
Wishing you music, movement, health, love and the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade.
4/21/18
ENOUGH
From teenage-hood through my twenties, I woke up nearly every morning with a nervous, anxious mass of energy in my stomach. This was accompanied by a feeling that I was already late, that somebody out there was already doing something impressive before me and better than me. I was possessed by the need to be first and best. The motivating belief was that there was only so much time and so much room for true greatness (read external success, validation and material acquisition), so if I wanted it, I needed to hurry up! Therefore, when a peer experienced an external success, it was often very hard for me to be truly happy for them, to celebrate them because in my mind their success meant my failure, my laziness and my forever missed opportunity.
This was a painful existence and ultimately stemmed from an egoic belief that I was not enough; that I was not worthy. This belief was created and compounded by mentor and societal teachings such as, “Be the best or nothing at all because life is a competition and survival of the fittest.” After my nervous breakdowns, beginning my healing process and finding Vedic Meditation, I began to come to the realization that these “teachings” were merely stories that us humans made up and bought into, stories that were created in the first place from a deep feeling of unworthiness, lack and scarcity. Stories that we can now choose to opt out of and make up new ones that better reflect our actual present experience, and/or how we want to feel and our dreams of how we wish for life to be. Stories that make us feel worthy, loved, empowered, connected, loving, enthusiastic and peaceful.
The vast and magnificent flat ocean is accentuated by rising and falling waves. Yes, waves behave differently than the flat ocean but that does not make them non-ocean. They are not connected to the ocean; there are no screws: they ARE ocean, in motion. Do the other waves protest, complain and feel less than when one wave rises up? Of course not because there is a knowingness of reciprocal flow going on. Because that wave has risen, the next wave is able to rise and the next: ad infinitum.
Our consciousness is like the ocean and our human life is like a wave. That human over there is not actually separate from me; She and I came from and are made up of the same stuff: consciousness. Because she rises, so can I, because I rise, so can you, and so on. There is infinite space for each and every one of us and we each have our own individual timeline. So optimally we exult, celebrate and praise when our fellow wave rises and we surround, support and lift up when our fellow wave falls; as we are all a part of the one, infinite, glorious ocean rising and falling: perpetually in motion. So ultimately, when she rises, we all rise and when she falls, we all fall.
Abundance in all its forms is our birthright and its source, our source, is inexhaustible.
Letʻs try to release our poverty consciousness because:
What we expect, is what we experience.
What we pay attention to, grows.
What we look for, we find.
Letʻs try to relax, slow down, meditate, tune into our deepest desires that were implanted there by the universe and then unhesitatingly take action, knowing that we are undulating ocean whoʻs rise, fall and rise again is guaranteed in the design and is supported and organized by the infinite intelligence of the vast, omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient oceanic consciousness.
Summary of the story: as Bruddah Bob put it, “Every little thing, is gonna be all right.”
Wishing you peace, enthusiasm, motion and holistic abundance.
Love, Wade.
4/14/18
FORGIVENESS
Over the last several months, the Universe has made it clear to me that FORGIVENESS is the next big chapter in my healing journey. I received the questions, “Who have you not forgiven? How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?” This was clear for me so I began to try and move toward that forgiveness for two key people in my life. But I kept hitting a wall. I felt that my heart was absolutely ready to forgive but I couldnʻt quite make the leap for some reason; some intellectual, ego, fear blockage, I thought.
With the help of my therapist I received the revelation, ITʻS ME, Iʻm the wall, Iʻm the one I havenʻt forgiven. I canʻt forgive anyone else until I forgive myself. I canʻt give anyone anything that I do not have. Can I forgive myself for not being able to tell the truth about Michael Jacksonʻs abuse earlier than I did? If I could have, maybe I could have prevented Michael from abusing other kids. Can I forgive myself for choosing Michael over my Father? Can I forgive myself for, in certain moments, not living up to my own standards as a Husband and a Father?
I keep coming back to, if my son made the mistakes that I have made, how would I feel towards him, what would I say? I know that I would be infinitely more forgiving, understanding, compassionate and loving towards him than I am towards myself. Is that fair? What would it be like if I treated myself like my son, like someone I love, like someone I know has a beautiful heart and is human, makes mistakes, tries to learn from them, tries to do better the next time, never wants to hurt anyone, but sometimes does, unintentionally? As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “If I would have known better, I would have done better.” This grand adventure lies ahead.
Reader...
What have you not forgiven yourself for?
How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?
Who have you not forgiven?
How is this resentment blocking you from living the life you want to live?
What would life be like if you treated yourself like someone you loved?
Love, Wade.
4/6/18
REVELATIONS FROM BEYOND
Last night, something happened...
There he was, our little seven year old boy, lying on a bed, Amanda and myself by his side. He seemed so peaceful. He was dying. He opened his eyes slightly and looked at us both; a subtle cozy smile graced his little face and then he closed his eyes again and simply slipped away.
Then I woke up.
Three something AM on the clock. Our little boy slept in our bed with us last night and there he was next to me peacefully sleeping. Never so beautiful was the sight of his rib cage rising and falling with glorious breath. I told myself everything was ok, it was a dream, but the sensations, emotions and images were still so strong in my body and mind. “Here it comes,” I thought. I cried, hard, for at least 30 minutes. My breathing was agitated, deep pain in my chest and stomach, and intermittent numbing and tingling throughout my body. Amanda awoke and held me as only she can. In waves of grief, I had this feeling that everything else would be rendered meaningless, if we lost our boy. What would I do? How would I keep going? Could I keep going? I tried to stop it but the image of his effortless smile right before he left this world kept playing in my mind over and over again. The smile was as if to say, “Everything is okay, donʻt worry about me. Iʻm going home now.”
I thought about how if he were truly suddenly gone, any little thing that heʻs done in the past that annoyed me, or stressed me out, or made me angry, would be a thing I would give ANYTHING to be able to see him do just one more time. I donʻt want to take any moment with our little boy for granted. Nothing is guaranteed. He could be gone tomorrow. I could be gone tomorrow.
I think about all the parents that have lost their children. I try to imagine to the degree that I can but I know that I cannot. I am so sorry.
I am infinitely grateful for our boyʻs health, for my health, for Amandaʻs health. So many people do not currently have that experience. My heart and spirit is with you. Maybe something small that I can do to honor your pain and struggle is to never take my and my families health for granted.
I donʻt want to take anyone for granted. I donʻt want to take anything for granted. Every person and experience is a gift of infinite possibility for growth, understanding, and healing. Guidance from the Universe is infinite and constant. Let our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds remain forever open.
Thank you Universe for this dream, this experience, and this guidance. Message received.
I wish you all health, love, gratitude, and the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade.
3/30/18
LET THE HARD TIMES ROLL
Understandably, we humans would love for everything in our lives to go smoothly all the time. We tend to have this idea that we are going to put our heads down, grin and bear all the pain, challenges, ups and downs for a certain number of years until the day arrives when weʻve finally figured it all out, everything becomes a piece a cake and weʻll then coast peacefully and happily through the rest of our lives. We tend to feel as though hard times in our lives are a sign of something gone wrong, that they are something that should not be happening and need to be removed as quickly as possible.
But if we look back on a “hard” or “bad” time in our life, I believe that most of the time, if we are honest with ourselves, we can actually feel grateful that it occurred. Because if it hadnʻt, we wouldnʻt have learned this or that, or we wouldnʻt have met so and so, or we wouldnʻt have landed into a certain circumstance that turned out to be really good for us.
In my own life, seven years of child sexual abuse and 22 years of silence about it eventually led to two terrifying nervous breakdowns, an awakening, the revelation of a path towards an infinitely more fulfilling life and a deeper understanding of myself and humanity. Periods of stressful financial scarcity led to a deeper reverence for, understanding of, and relationship with the positive role finances can play in oneʻs life and purpose. Finally, years of painful association with and aversion towards dance tilled the soil and created a foundation from which a rebirth of dance in my heart, mind and body could occur, redefining my purpose, yet again.
There is a lot of simultaneity here: the above experiences of mine were painful, stressful, and damaging as well as enlightening, instructive and evolutionary. I think we make it harder on ourselves when we try to label our experiences solely as this or that. I have found that my experiences are most often this, that and the other simultaneously and that taking this perspective on them allows me to grow from them profoundly and exponentially, whether they were pleasurable or painful in the moment.
If we do the work of researching our past “hard” or “bad” life experiences and discovering all the good that actually came from them, it can give us the knowledge, evidence and confidence to boldly know and declare, in the midst of a current painful experience, “At some point, I will be grateful for this experience because I will understand that it helped me to grow.” This does not mean that the current experience will necessarily completely cease to be painful or hard, but I have found that it can make it, at the very least, much more manageable, as it can lessen, if not erase, the crippling feeling of victimhood.
When we put ourselves in the stratum of gratitude, we put ourselves in the powerful position of choice. We may not be consciously choosing to experience the current painful situation, but we can consciously choose to listen to why the pain or challenge has arrived in our lives, and ask, what is it here to teach us? I have found that every experience arrives with the gift of a priceless teachable moment. This knowingness gives us the capability to engage in a partnership with life rather than feeling as though we are being controlled by some supernatural dictator with a bad attitude, “Why is the Universe and/or God against me?” This could not be further from the truth.
365 days a year, 24 hours a day, there is actually only one thing gong on, EVOLUTION: progressive change from one state to another. Sometimes itʻs joyful, sometimes itʻs painful, but itʻs always evolutionary. So the next time a challenging, sad, painful, or scary experience arrives, try to stop, look and listen to what it is hear to teach you about where you are, what it is time for you to let go of, what it is time for you to gain and where it is time for you to go. And if youʻre charmed, try uttering something like, “Thank you for this experience and for the greater one it is carrying me to.”
Wishing you health, love and the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade.
3/23/18
TALKS THAT HAVE CARRIED ME, Part II
Dear readers, more talks that have carried and inspired me. Enjoy!
Love + Aloha, Wade Robson.
3.16.18
TALKS THAT HAVE CARRIED ME, Part I
Dear readers, sorry for the one day delay. Here are three talks that have made a massive impact in my life. I hope you enjoy them.
Wishing you health, love and the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade.
3.10.18
LESSONS OF LOVE
She grew, birthed and raised me. She re-designed her life and fused it with mine. The best she knew how, she tried to give me everything I ever dreamed of. She did many things right, she made many mistakes, the least of which being that with the intention of exulting me, she unknowingly ushered me into the arms of a predator. Things got complicated between us. I moved far away. The distance has enabled us to begin to grow closer again. She is human, she loved and loves me deeply. I love you, Mom.
Iʻll never forget him being barely able to make it to the punch line of his jokes because he couldnʻt stop laughing in anticipation of it. He worked hard, he loved hard, he suffered, danced, laughed, forgave, crumbled, got back up and kept trying. Then he got tired and he left. From close range, from half-way across the world, and from somewhere before, after and beyond this earth, he has given me gifts of immeasurable value. He has shown me, by example, what it means to be a man of integrity, vulnerability and heart. And for the most unforeseen of his powers, he has shown me how to dance from my heart again. Beyond space and time, Dad, I love you.
From the beginning, she was an emotional force to be reckoned with. Never afraid to tell me what she saw, thought and felt, she has kept me honest many times. Whenever I or anyone she loves is in need, she is instantly there to help and never asks for anything in return. Her capacity to feel, give, hurt, and love is beyond compare. Mine and many peoples lives are infinitely richer because she is a part of it. My sister, I love you.
Our relationship has been permeated by distance, both in time and in geography. I have always looked up to him. I have, for as long as I can remember, told stories of him as if he was a mysterious and irresistible character floating through the great novels of my mind. I have longed for closeness with him, both in times of near and far physical proximity. I learn immensely from his patience, reserve, choice communications, humor, practicality, mystery, deep sense of loyalty and love. My big brother, I love you.
As a young boy, I was unknowingly looking for something I was not getting, and there he was. He became like a Father to me. One of the aspects of my life that was rapidly disappearing was play, and he did his absolute best to give that back to me; drives to nowhere with amazing music blaring, pizza dates, movies, basketball, cooking, art and the list goes on. As no role models are, he was not perfect; his deep love for me sometimes made him go too far, but now as a Father myself, I understand. “Whether you are a famous entertainer, a garbage man, or the President, does not matter to me, I will love you the same,” he told me many times. This has and always will stay with me. Thank you Boobie, I love you.
I was as if a young man in the desert, unknowingly dying of thirst, until suddenly, there she was like a tall, cool, glass of water; my awareness rapidly awakened as to my extreme dehydration. I grasped and drank her in, soothing my cooked heart and mind. I was quite emotionally repressed when we met and I marveled at her emotional lucidity. No matter the circumstance, she always seemed to have such clarity as to how she felt, why she felt that way and was always able to articulate it unhesitatingly and eloquently. She became a teacher for me, the likes of which I had never before or have since experienced.
Through up, down, left and right she has carried me with the strength of a mythical hero. 15 years later, she remains as clear, refreshing and cleansing as ever, as if emanating from a heavenly source which never dries up. I will forever be in awe of her strength, vulnerability, honesty, courage, creativity, generosity, deep knowingness and capacity for love.
My best friend, my wife, the Mother of our child, the love of my life, infinitely, I love you.
His divine and timely appearance on this earth is unparralelled. My wife unlocked a door through which I could find a new healthier way of life; he kicked it wide open and catapulted me through it. He is the most reflective surface I have ever come upon; everything I have ever wanted to and not wanted to know about myself and life, he has and continues to show me. My love for him knows no boundaries or conditions. My Guru, my son, I love you, Dada.
Through him, I was first introduced to what was to become one of my greatest gifts, dance. By the complicated grace of the universe, from opposite ends of the earth, we were physically brought together. I was enamored by, infatuated with and instantly in love with him. He inspired me, taught me, loved me in his twisted way, manipulated me and ultimately betrayed me; sexually abusing me as a child. Sometimes an important love is the one that breaks your heart; the one that opens your eyes to the sometimes cruel, contradictory and most often complicated truth of humanity and the world. Michael, I do not excuse or thank you for your abuse, but I am thankful for what it and the healing from it has taught me about myself, humanity and the world.
To you who are reading this, the lessons of love are infinitely deep. Jump in and pay attention.
Love, Wade.
3/2/18
PERFECTION
My experiments with perfection.
Ironically enough, I stared at this blank page for a good while before allowing myself to write anything that wasnʻt perfect!
If I follow the breadcrumbs of my perfectionist behavior back, I arrive to Michael Jackson telling me at seven years old to, “Be the best or be nothing at all.” Then forward to receiving an elementary school report card of all Aʻs except for one and being asked, “Why the B?” Then further forward to being about 9 years old, walking into commercial auditions fearing that, “If I donʻt get this job, we’re gonna run out of money and have to go back home.” The overall message I took in was, “You must be perfect.”
The more external success I experienced through my teens and twenties only exacerbated these beliefs. Distortedly, I felt as though each success was somehow a fluke and I needed to be more prepared and more perfect, if I was going to keep up the facade. What came along with this perfection trajectory, compiled with the hiding of Michaelʻs abuse, was more and more seriousness, and less and less patience, experimentation, play and fun. One of my past survival tactics was to turn my insecure feeling of being different from others into a belief that I wasnʻt just different, I was better. This allowed me to turn my victim experience of feeling separate into a separation experience that was created by me; giving me a false sense of control. As you can imagine, this never facilitated any lasting comfort; actually it only created more pain and loneliness. It was the frantic need for perfection that played an integral role in slowly but surely eroding my heart and mind to the point where I finally broke in 2011 and 2012. But then, my journey toward releasing my perfectionism began…
Some of the first terrifying and intriguing questions that came were, “What if Iʻm not the best? What if Iʻm not different, or special? What if Iʻm just like everybody else?” So I removed myself from doing everything that I thought made me great, different and special, namely the entertainment business. I had to find out what would happen. After a lot of terror, panic, depression, revelations, and a period of spiritual elitism, i.e., “Oh now Iʻm special because I removed myself from everything that made me special,” I realized that I am just like everybody else and it is actually exactly that that makes me special; just as every one of us is equally special. Yes, the details of our lives differ, but we all feel the same fear, pain, anger, disappointment, sadness, loneliness, jealousy, joy, enthusiasm, and love. Weʻre all looking for happiness the best way we know how, weʻre all making mistakes every single day and we all have infinite potential as our baseline. Weʻve all come to this earth to contribute something unique and valuable and what labels that contribution as important or not, large or small is but a judgement of limited perspective.
So then the question was, “If I donʻt need to be different from or better than anyone, who or what am I trying to be perfect for?”
I started experimenting with simply doing my best and accepting that my best would be different everyday. And when my best really sucks, I try to be kind and forgiving with myself and keep moving forward. This has given me the space to experiment, to listen and learn, to collaborate, and to play. This has given me the capacity to lessen my judgement of myself and therefore lessen my judgement of others, which enables me to engage in deeper loving relationships with people.
Perfect created walls in my life, blocked good or great ideas from flowing through me and prevented relationships from growing or even existing. Elizabeth Gilbert said, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” I also say that perfect is the enemy of fun. And I want to have fun, donʻt you?
The following quotes are from John Steinbeck and Elizabeth Gilbert, respectively.
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”
“Now that you don’t have to be good, you can be free.”
Love, Wade Robson.
2/16/18
BOOKS THAT HAVE CARRIED ME, PART I
Dear readers, below are a list of some of the books that have inspired, challenged, changed, motivated and saved me. Click the titles to be linked to the books on Amazon. Happy reading!
A New Earth: Awakening to your Lifeʻs Purpose
It is one of the most powerful books I have ever read. I usually read it once a year.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
An absolute paradigm shift. A desperately needed one.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
I find Brene Brownʻs communication style to be incredibly grounded, raw, funny, honest and relatable. Because of which, what she says resonates effortlessly, deeply and truly sustains its potency over time.
When Things Fall Apart
Early on in my first nervous breakdown, I went to the bookstore in search of help. I looked on the shelf and the first title I saw was, “When things fall apart.” “Thatʻll do,” I said to myself. What a life saving gift this book was and continues to be along with all of Pema Chodronʻs teachings. Pema makes Buddhist philosophies so relatable and the practices so practical. Whenever life feels like the title, I HIGHLY recommend picking this one up. I am not and you do not need to be a Buddhist to reap the benefits of this heart advice.
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
This book played an enormous role in my being able to allow dance back into my heart, mind and body after five years. Each successive paragraph takes another hook out of us that is holding us back from making the art that wants nothing more than to manifest through each and every one of us. Itʻs playful, humorous, raw, honest, simply profound and bombastically motivational. It helps to re-educate us to have fun! Itʻs a once a year read for me too.
Zen Mind, Beginnerʻs Mind: Informal Talks on Zen Meditation and Practice
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few” The wisdom in this one quote speaks to the infinite power of this book.
The Alchemist
Beautiful, inspiring, motivational and simplistically profound. A fantastic story filled with infinite wisdom.
The Essential Rumi
Each page, each line is like pouring a warm soothing balm on a sensitive wound. The relevance of these 13th century thoughts and words for our lives today is absolutely remarkable. The poetry is dripping with beauty.
The Essential Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson
Page after page, the wisdom, beauty, honesty, and knowledge makes me weak and therefore, makes me strong. Absolutely glorious.
The Tao of Emerson: The Wisdom of the Tao Te Ching as Found in the Words of Ralph Waldo Emerson
Experiencing the divine creative intelligence in both the Tao Te Ching and the thoughts of Ralph Waldo Emerson simultaneously and in compliment is an unparalleled experience. This is a book I go back to again and again. Open to any page, and that will be the page you need, today.
Autobiography of a Yogi (Self-Realization Fellowship)
To witness the devotion to the divine inside of this manʻs incredible life story never ceases to humble and inspire me.
Conversations with God: Book 1
After years of spiritual confusion, irritation, fear and even apathy, this was the first spiritual book that ever drew me to it. It was my first entrance into what has become one of the greatest adventures of my life thus far; the revelation of my personal relationship with the divine. After this, I devoured the entire series.
Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse
An absolute life saver.
Love, Wade Robson.
2/9/18
TO THOSE WHO HATE ME
An open letter to those who hate me, filled with relations and curiosities.
To those who hate me…
“F**k you! Die! Liar! Coward! Parasite! Traitor! Wait till we catch you in the streets. May god have mercy on your rotten soul. Watch your back. Youʻre gonna burn in hell!”
The above are some of the many feelings and thoughts, in defense of Michael Jackson, that you have written to me via social media and email over the last 5 years. Depending upon the state that I am in, sometimes they roll off my back, sometimes they hurt, sometimes they make me angry, and sometimes they make me laugh; but they always make me present.
Here is what I believe you believe:
Michael Jackson was my idol as a child and I was lucky enough to have the privilege of meeting him. He became my friend and took me under his wing. He loved me, cared for me, taught me, and helped me tremendously in my life and entertainment business career. I lovingly and vehemently defended Michaelʻs innocence as a child sexual abuser in court multiple times, denying that he had EVER done anything inappropriate to me and that he would ever do that to any other child. I sang his praises and defended his innocence in hundreds of interviews over the years. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I completely changed my story and said that Michael Jackson sexually abused me for several years and caused me psychological, emotional and physiological pain. I then sued his estate and entities for money. From your perspective, what really happened was that my career and life fell apart, I ran out of money and since Michael was already dead, I decided to betray the man whom had given me the world, and fabricate an elaborate lie about him; all for the sake of money and fame.
If something along those lines is what you believe to be true, I understand why you hate me.
If you have any interest in entertaining the entire story, I invite you to click and read the following links.
Link 1 - Link 2 - Link 3
Often, we humans only believe in the truth we want to believe in; we tend to see what we want to see. I understand the resistance or complete unwillingness to see someone who we idolize and adore, someone who has given and taught us so much, someone who is so positively intertwined in the fabric of our lives, in a negative light. It can feel as though, if we were to see and acknowledge that darkness in them, we would have to re-write our own life story, re-design our entire belief system and that is often too overwhelming and painful of an idea to even entertainment for a moment. Instead, often we choose not to believe or look the other way and demonize the one who is challenging our long held beliefs because that is easier then having to re-examine all that we think we know to be true. Before I was able to deal with and process the truth of my story, I and my family felt this way in regard to Michael Jackson.
This is a most understandable human phenomenon when the person we are defending is someone that we actually knew personally; someone that was physically and emotionally a real part of our lives. But an impenetrable and violent resistance to an alternate or expanded view of someone becomes troubling when we actually never knew that someone personally, at all. When we were not actually a physical part of each others lives. When we most likely never even met them. When our only interaction with that person was that of a fan, idolizing their creative talent from afar and believing with all of our heart that we know who they were based purely upon the image and persona that they and the massive marketing machine behind them designed and distributed to us for the sake of selling us music, merchandise and tickets. This is not a real relationship with someone whereby we have some capability of making an authoritative assessment as to who they truly were. Yet many of you who have and continue to send me angry, ugly, hateful, violent comments and threats are doing just that; making an assessment as to who Michael Jackson truly was, even though you did not know him and most likely never even met him. And then defending Michael, that someone whom you did not know, against another person whom you do not know, me.
Those who hate me, I do not need for you to believe, validate or support me. I am not trying to persuade you to take my side or ask you to stop believing and saying the things that you do. What Iʻm curious about, is what it is inside of you and many of us, that makes us take such violent actions and use such hateful words in order to defend what we "believe" to be true.
In my personal experience, sometimes when we are angry, we are actually angry with ourselves and when we hate, itʻs because, at least to some degree, we hate something about ourselves.
Those who hate me, I honestly wish you peace and fulfillment. I wish you physical, mental and emotional health. I wish you love. I send you love.
Wade Robson.
2/2/18
STRESS
Generational transference of stress.
I travel around the country and several international cities teaching dance to at least a thousand people at each stop, most of them children. In my classes, I talk about my story of external success and internal failure and all of the pressure and stress that came along with that. I talk about my fruitless search for happiness and fulfillment via my external achievements. About how I was educated out of play and learned to be devastatingly serious. And how all of this led to complete nervous breakdowns and the (temporary) destruction of my relationship with my gifts. I also try to facilitate an experience that fosters introspection, self-care and most of all PLAY. Without fail, in the midst of or by the end of each class, many people from ages 10 to 50, are in tears. They have just had FUN and it has seemingly triggered a reminder or revelation about how stressed and unhappy they actually are. As was the case for me, often dance, this thing that used to be for them purely a source of joy, has now also become a source of stress and pain. What happened along the way?
Of course the exact details of peopleʻs stories differ but the commonalities far outweigh the differences. For many of us, there was a time, as children, maybe even as teenagers when we felt enraptured by wonder, inspiration, passion, experimentation and play. And then, overtime, somethings and/or someones implanted the messages in us that it was time to focus, get serious, busy, stressed, impressive and successful. We learned that, “Life is survival of the fittest,” and wonder, inspiration, experimentation and play are frivolous, unproductive and childish behaviors that DO NOT lead to WINNING in life.
From my personal experience and what I have seen, as a society, we seem to be implanting these messages in people at a younger and younger age and the effect is heartbreaking. Often from the seemingly benevolent intention of wanting our children to have a “successful” life, we tend to fill their young lives with incessant activities and grand expectations all designed to “improve” them and give them the upper hand on the so called “competition.” Through this indoctrination our children learn things like, “If Iʻm not busy and stressed, Iʻm lazy and unworthy,” “If Iʻm not the best, Iʻm nobody at all,” and “Never be satisfied, always strive for more.” Not much room for wonder, inspiration, experimentation, and play in there and therefore, I believe, not much room for happiness and fulfillment.
Please do not misunderstand me, I am all for self-improvement, focus and hard work when appropriate and/or initiated by inspiration and passion; but when these behaviors become commandments for the sake of achieving self-worth rather than tools to help one move in the direction of their inspiration and joy, one can, so to speak, gain the whole world and lose their soul. When our children learn to always be busy and stressed, they learn to miss the universal guidance and inspiration that is all around us, all the time. If we canʻt be still and quiet, we canʻt listen, hear or understand ourselves, others and life. Without understanding weʻre lost, scared, sad, angry and often violent towards ourselves and others.
Amidst our last breath, “I wish I would have worked harder, made more money, won more awards, bought more stuff, spent less time with family and friends and had less fun,” said no heart ever. I believe all of this struggle and competition is but a story that we humans have made up and bought into. I donʻt believe we want this for our children, but hereʻs the thing, we canʻt give anyone what we do not have. So first, we must question, where do these beliefs come from in ourselves? Did WE CHOOSE them? What is it in our own hearts, minds and lives that we are trying to fix by attempting to make ourselves and/or our children so externally perfect and successful? Why are we so afraid to be still and quiet from time to time? What are we running from with all of our busyness? When was it that we started to believe that we act in order to be worthy, rather than, we know that we are worthy and then we act?
I canʻt help but imagine what humanity and the world would be like if we truly believed and taught our children something along the lines of, “You are worthy of love and belonging no matter what you do. You came to this earth to contribute many beautiful things and only you can find out what those things are. Follow what truly excites your heart and when the time is right, you will find your dynamic purpose. Once you have found it, learn to do it to the best of your ability. Then, look to see how you can give and the receiving part will work itself out. Along the way, be kind to yourself and to others and remember…have fun!”
These are but opinions and questions based on my personal experience. If any of them resonate with you, maybe try them on for size and journey towards your own truth.
Wishing you all health, love and the revelation of your fulfillment.
Love, Wade Robson.
1/26/18
F.E.A.R.
My encounters with F.E.A.R.
Almost immediately after Michael Jackson started sexually abusing me at seven years old, he proceeded to warn me that if anyone were to ever find out what “we” were doing, he and I would go to jail for the rest of our lives. He then continued to explain to me that we loved each other and that this (sexual interaction) is how we show each other our love. But that people were ignorant, would not understand and would destroy us. "LOVE"/FEAR, done deal for me; I was never going to tell a soul, ever.
In 1993, when I was 11-years-old, Michael Jackson was accused of child sexual abuse by Jordan Chandler. It was a civil suit that ignited a criminal investigation. Being that I was one of Michael Jacksonʻs little boy “friends,” I also became wrapped up in the investigation. The way I first learned about it was one day out of the blue, two police officers knocked on our door. They sat me on our staircase and interrogated me as to whether Michael Jackson had ever done anything sexual to me. Michaelʻs words kept ringing in my head, if anyone were to ever find out what “we” were doing, he and I would go to jail for the rest of our lives. Feeling like a criminal, terrified inside, but stoic and determined outside, I did the only thing I felt I could do to protect myself and Michael, whom I loved immensely; I lied to the police.
Amidst the same investigation, I was called to testify before a grand jury. Thinking it would be too frightening for me, my Mother wouldnʻt allow it, so Judge Lance Ito (of OJ Simpson fame) charged me with contempt of court. They placed me with a Juvenile Corrections Officer who told me I could go to jail for not complying with the courts wishes. Michaelʻs words were coming true I thought and the fear was crippling. Eventually, a deal was struck for me to testify privately in a conference room.
That deposition at 11-years-old was several hours of being grilled by California district attorneys determined to prove Michael Jacksonʻs guilt. Leading up to it, I received daily calls from Michael where he repeatedly rehearsed mock interrogations with me, training me to lie and be a soldier for his defense. There is absolutely no doubt that I was scared going into that deposition, but by that point I had learned by both direct training from and modeling of Michael Jackson, exactly how to numb and compartmentalize my feelings to enable me to put on the show I needed to for the sake of “both” of our survival. My Lawyer, paid for by Michael Jackson, said of me to my Mother after the deposition, “Iʻve never seen anything like it. Wade had them eating out of the palm of his hand.” Well, I was unfortunately trained by one of the best.
Michael Jackson implanted into me from the very beginning beliefs such as, “Be the best or nothing at all. Study the greats and become greater. Rule the world. Immortalize yourself.” As I began my adult career at nine years old, these were my directives. This ruled out any room for mistakes, experimentation, playfulness, or genuine collaboration. Therefore over the years, the bulk of my Choreography, Stage Direction, Film Direction, Song Writing and Producing experiences were motivated most notably by one thing, FEAR of not being the BEST. By the grace of the universe, I still managed to somehow manifest some good art at times, but the experience of getting there was most often extremely painful.
In about 2003, Michael Jackson was accused yet again of child sexual abuse and by 2005 it had graduated to a criminal trial. My wife Amanda and I were about to get married, had sold our home and were moving into a new home in a new area; starting a whole new chapter. The phone calls and training sessions from Michael increased tenfold, just like they did during the 1993 investigation. I finally worked up the courage to tell Michael that I didnʻt want to testify this time. I told him that I was starting a new life with Amanda and I didnʻt want to go through all the madness with the media again. He acted as though he understood. The next week I received a subpoena to testify. The incessant training phone calls continued from Michael. Then, the day for me to testify arrived. There I was in the court room, on the witness stand, sitting across from Michael Jackson, my idol, mentor and friend, who was on trial for child sexual abuse. If Michael were to go to jail, I knew in my heart that he would die in there, and I was going to do my best to make sure that didnʻt happen. I never forgot what occurred sexually between Michael and I when I was child but I swore that he and I alone would go to the grave with that memory. I was petrified that if I was to tell the truth about what happened, I would lose my career, my soon to be wife Amanda, my friends, you name it. As far as I understood at the time, I was fine with what happened between Michael and I and therefore the consequences for Michael and I, if I were to tell the truth, were not worth it. Fear soaked inside, externally cool and determined, I lied. I understand now that I was also drenched in shame about what happened sexually between Michael and I and felt that I was complicit in his crime.
From my early teens on, social interaction became more and more challenging for me. I was increasingly horrified of not being impressive, intriguing, smart or worthy enough. I avoided social interaction as much as possible, especially when the playing field was, as perceived by me, even or placed me at a disadvantage. I was much more comfortable when in a position of power, I.E., when I was working, when I was the Choreographer, the Director, the Music Producer, the boss. In positions such as these it felt much easier to keep up appearances. The deep seated fear I was always running from was that I was a fraud and that if I was not careful, someday, somebody was going to find me out. I have learned over the last five years of therapy and introspection that this core fear, which permeated all aspects of my life, had a lot to do with the hiding of Michaelʻs sexual abuse, my having to lie to the law, the media, my family and everybody about it over the years. Amidst most social interactions, I felt like I was on the witness stand again, trying to stay 10 steps ahead of the adult lawyers (authority figures) and make sure that they never found out the truth about me. This was painful and exhausting and therefore seemingly easier to avoid as much social interaction as possible.
In 2011, about 5 months after our son was born, in the midst of pre-production on my first Hollywood feature film as a Director, I experienced my first full blown nervous breakdown. Stress, anxiety, fear, and insomnia took me over completely and I had to remove myself from the film. This action only increased all of the above symptoms and I became almost completely incapable of functioning. The deep fear of inadequacy had now elevated into a feeling of complete life failure. Everything I had been working so hard for had crumbled and I no longer saw any purpose in anything accept, thank God, my wife Amanda and our son. I engaged in a small amount of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, focused on intellectually working with my fears, which enabled me to zip myself up and get back to work, hard.
In 2012, it all came back, and again, I crumbled; Nervous breakdown #2. This time, I started practicing Yoga daily, I came upon an insight oriented therapist who unbeknownst to me, practiced E. M. D. R. and Somatic Experiencing therapeutic techniques and after about three weeks of seeing him, I disclosed to him for the first time in my life that Michael Jackson had sexually abused me for seven years. From this point on, EVERYTHING changed.
Emotional, mental, physiological and spiritual healing became the main focus of my life. I found a life changing daily practice of Vedic Meditation and the profundity of Vedic knowledge. I left the entertainment business and Amanda, our Son and I moved to Hawai’i. Iʻve continued to seek and find spiritual teachers whom have been of immeasurable value and most recently, dance has found its way back into my heart and body and we are currently experiencing a romance, the likes of which I have never known.
My experiments with FEAR continue and I have learned and experienced that FEAR is actually one of my greatest teachers.
Pema Chodron has taught me to “Stay” and “Lean into the discomfort.” That fear has power over me to the degree that I allow it to make me run in the other direction. But that the fear eases and is ultimately rendered an illusion to the degree that I am able to look at it and sit with it, rather than run from it. It contains infinite wisdom.
Brene Brown has taught me about the transformative power of vulnerability and how it is the cornerstone of creativity and innovation. And that bravery is not the absence of fear; Bravery is when your terrified out of your mind and you go anyway.
Eckhart Tolle has taught me that, “The universe will give you whichever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”
Elizabeth Gilbert has taught me that, “Perfect is the enemy of good.”
Joseph Campbell has taught me that, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Thom Knoles, Paulo Cuelo and experience have now taught me that the result of tuning into a true desire and leaping into the dark abyss of the unknown, is complete support from the universe.
Finally, my wife Amanda, our Son, my family and my friends have shown me through it all, that LOVE is infinitely more powerful than FEAR.
And because I gratefully stand on the shoulders of giants, FEAR now plays a tremendously smaller role in my life.
F-alse
E-vidence
A-ppearing
R-eal
I wish you the courage to look and sit with your own fear. To get to know it and to begin to stop feeding it. As Pema Chodron said, “Without knowing the nature of fear, one can never know fearlessness.”
The only way, is through.
Love, Wade Robson.
1/19/17
LISTEN
My encounters with LISTENING.
“Never miss a grand opportunity to shut your mouth.” -Thom Knoles
Have you ever had the following experience? You have something that you really need to talk about with someone you trust. Maybe it requires you to be quite vulnerable in order to talk about this painful, scary and/or exciting thing. Yet when you finally work up the courage to talk about it, you find that your friend, family member or mentor keeps interrupting you to give you their take on what ACTUALLY or SHOULD have happened, or what you are ACTUALLY or SHOULD be feeling or thinking, and what you SHOULD do about it all.
Then maybe you feel a bit defensive and your walls start to go back up. You thought you were going to feel better once you talked about it with someone you trust, but now you just feel more confused, angry, or sad. You then maybe decide youʻre not going to talk about that painful, scary, and/or exciting thing anymore.
Maybe you didn’t actually want their opinion or advice. Maybe what you wanted was their presence, their ear, their understanding, their resonance, and maybe their confirmation that they love you and are here for you, no matter what. How often are you in conversations where either you and/or the other person is not really listening at all, but just waiting to talk? In my experience, itʻs exhausting and neither of you actually gain anything positive from the interaction. Thatʻs because itʻs not actually a commun(e)-ication, youʻre both just talking AT each other. I have been on both sides of this experience many times.
I remember when I first began to reach out to close friends and family members to talk about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, which I had kept a secret for 22 years. In some interactions, the friend or family member, out of absolutely benevolent intentions, would offer up unsolicited hypothesis and advice on my experience, often before I had even finished telling the story. I found that especially when hearing about uncomfortable and painful experiences, thoughts or emotions, the other person, out of both their wish for me to feel better and their own discomfort, would try to "fix" me as soon as possible. They truly thought that they were helping but in my experience, unless opinion and advice are explicitly asked for, it almost never helps and often hinders.
I realized how much I longed for the other person I trusted to do nothing but quietly, patiently, and actively LISTEN; that is all. I am infinitely grateful that that has been the bulk of my experience in talking to people I love and trust about vulnerable subject matters.
The place where I truly began to understand the power of and hone my skills as a listener is the Adult Survivors of Child Abuse support group I facilitate and participate in. The hallmark of The Morris Center’s ASCA group format is voluntary 5 to 15-minute individual shares where the rest of the group silently, actively listen. In some instances, the individual who shared can decide if he or she wants supportive feedback from the group and if so, then chooses who can give supportive feedback to them from amongst those who raise their hands. The supportive feedback is only allowed to be of a supportive nature; no advice, contrary opinions, or self-centered feedback, are allowed. The emotional power and transformative nature of someone being able to talk about their most vulnerable thoughts, feelings and actions, in a space where no one interrupts, offers them other opinions, or advice but rather relates or is neutral, for even just five minutes, is something to behold. With consistency, the support group participantʻs emotional, intellectual and life evolution is profound and exponential.
My practice for the last 8 years has been to TRY MY BEST to listen deeply when people have chosen to talk to me about something important to them and to not offer any opinions or advice unless explicitly asked for; To simply relate and offer support however I can. I find that the results are quite astounding for both participants.
As the receiver of the deep listening, without the noise of others unsolicited opinions and advice, we slowly gain confidence in our own inner wisdom, our intuition, and our relationship with source. Weʻre able to pay better attention to the universal guidance that is all around us, all the time.
As the listener, I believe it allows us to relate deeply with the person sharing, making us feel more connected to them and humanity at large. We learn patience, empathy, compassion and receive profound wisdom from the person sharing.
In turn, the receiver of our deep listening, wants nothing but to return the favor. Win/Win.
Love, Wade.
THE GRAM
Wade Robson, based on his personal experience of external wins and internal losses, explores our personal definitions of WINNING and their implications.